Fears Of Loneliness
by babyflare
Summary: Nagi has return to the streets he was raised on to succeed in a solo assignment given by Estet. [Yaoi In Future Chapters] +Chapter 3: Nagi reflects.. *Possible Angst*+
1. Words Of The Devil

Cradling himself, Nagi tried to shut his past out of his mind. But all it seemed to be doing was bringing him back voices. Voices of the lonesome solitude that was out there. 

  


He wasn't going to go back. There was no way -- no way in hell would he ever place his foot back on the streets he was raised up on. Just thinking about it, would give him endless nightmares... He regretted overhearing Brad and Schuldich's conversation. But either way.. Nagi was going to find out sooner or later.

~

__

"Nagi can't do this.. do you remember when he first came here? He was still traumatized by the whole thing! Brad, you can't do this to the kid!" 

"We have to. You mustn't interfere, Schuldich. We've got no other choice."

"Yes we do! I'll go!" The German insisted.

"No. It's time Nagi overcomes his fear."

"But why does Este want him? Haven't they seen him before? He was a wreck! It was a miracle for him to build his life back up again. It's not fair! He never had to do this before.. why now?" [1]

"Este is challenging how well we can manage our fears and doubts. In other words, it's a test. To make sure we have none of those weaknesses that could potentially bring down Schwartz." The American said, showing no emotion in his voice. 

"He's just a kid... and this whole test is pointless. It would just bring up those bad memories again. He's strong now, don't --"

"If he overcomes this, he's be much stronger... "

"And what if he doesn't? Do you know how long it was for Nagi to work his way back up? If .. he does this stupid so called test.. and he fails... how do we know.. if he can come back us again?"

"...We have to believe that Nagi can do this." Schuldich could see the concern in the older man's eyes. _"When is this going to happen...? How long?" _

Brad folded his arms as he spoke,_ "He has to endure this whole ordeal for at least a month." _

"What? Are you insane? What are we going to tell him? 'Oh yeah, your gonna live in the streets again for about a month because Este wants to see if you conquered your fear.' Dammit! This.. is stupid.." 

"..I said it before.. we have no other choice.. Do you want to tell Nagi? Or shall I?"

Schuldich looked down, _"I don't care.. I just don't want to see the kid hurt." _

"Very well. I'll tell him when he returns from school."

~

The young boy sat down on the floor of his room, hugging his knees. 'They're coming soon..' he thought as he pictured the door swinging open at any second. 'Then... I'll be living in hell.'

~

[1] Este.. sometimes spelt as SS, SZ.. and a lot of others.. they're the 3 old people who Schwartz are involved with. 


	2. One Last Time

Crawford was just right outside of Nagi's door. His fingers slid through his sleek dark hair, while amongst thinking of what to say once he opened the wall that separated the two. 

'I wish I could say you didn't have to do this. I wish that I didn't even have to remind you of your terrible past. I'm sorry, Nagi... but this has to be done.'

__

Tapping lightly on the door he cooed, "Nagi? Are you there? I need to talk to you for a minute."

Almost a weak cry the voice answered, "Yes?"

"Do you have a minute? I need to tell you something.. That's.. important."

Nagi struggled to get up, hesitantly he opened the door and waited dreadful words to be said aloud. "What did you want to say?" He asked, pretending to forget his earlier encounter with him and Schulidch.

"There's an assignment coming up. And you are the only one who can accept it, and you have to. 

Este has requested that for this mission you must live back out on the streets. To see if your fears still exist from your childhood." 

The young boy gulped, even all this time he was preparing not to be shocked.. it failed. He meekly replied, "Wh-why?" 

"Nagi, you're strong now. You've learned how to harness your powers with ease. This task shouldn't be difficult." 

His lips shivered, "....When?" 

"Starting tomorrow. For a month. Look Nagi-" 

"See you in the morning then." The teen started to turn towards his bed, not waiting nor wanting the older man to finish his words. 

"Listen, I know your mind is facing much dilemma right now. This is a major assignment, it proves that Schwartz can prevail anything, all you have to do is survive for at least a month out there. That's it." 

"Will I remain in contact with you?"

"I'm afraid not. This is a solo task and it's only meant for you." 

"Oh goody." He rolled his eyes. 

"Enjoy your last sleep in your bed, because tomorrow you'll have to make other sleeping arrangements." He said as he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Climbing into his bed he thought of Crawford's words, '_Because tomorrow you'll have to make other sleeping arrangements.. Other sleeping arrangements...... other sleeping arrangements.' _

"I can't believe.. I'm going back.. back to that.. hell hole.. back where--" 

Images of older kids came into his mind. All of them were throwing rocks and other materials that were hard or sharp. He tried to run away but they still could throw far enough for the objects to hit him. Scars from glass bottles, relatively large sediments and other rocky materials were still with him today. They were faded, but still visible if seen closely. 

Avoiding the imagery that seemed to force it's way into his mind, Nagi slowly fell asleep. How he managed to sleep soundly for the rest of the night, Nagi didn't know. Maybe he was taking Brad's advice, in cherishing his last comfortable sleep. 

The morning sun was blocked by the dark curtains in his room. Powerful rays seeped in through the curtain edges. The redheaded German silently slipped inside, careful not to wake the sleeping boy. "He looks so angelic down there that even I don't want to wake him up." 

"Too bad we have to." A voice replied behind him. Schuldich almost yelped but the Irishman's hands had covered his mouth. "Don't scream," he hissed. "You'll wake him." 

Farfarello released his grip. "Then don't scare me like that. Sheesh." The German replied. "And if we _have_ to wake him up, why don't **you** do it?" 

"Fine." Leaning in close to the young Japanese telekinetic he whispered, "Nagi. Wake up." A small moan escaped from his lips. His deep blue eyes slowly opened to see the two men who were standing in front of him. 

"5 more minutes," he groaned, turning onto his side so then his back was facing them. 

"Sorry chibi. You gotta get up now." Schuldich said. 

The teenager groaned a few times before finally sitting up. The older man began to say, "Nagi, you look like you worried yourself to sleep." 

"I did, you don't expect me to be carefree all the time do you? ....What's for breakfast?" he said as if wanting to forget everything that happened last night. 

"We're treating you out... as a.. last get-together sort of thing." 

"Oh I see. I'll get ready right away." The young boy ran to his dresser taking out his usual uniform and then glanced at Farfarello and Schuldich. The 2 men took that as a sign that privacy was needed and quickly hurried out of his room. 

"I think that went too well." The Irish said as soon as he closed the door. 

"Me too.. something was definitely wrong. Damn, he's not even out there yet and he's acting strange... where should we take him?" 

"Let Nagi decide." Crawford said, already dressed up in his suit. He reached up and pushed the brim of his glasses further up. "It is his last day here." They both nodded and agreed. 

__

'I'd never thought that I would think this.. but I'm gonna miss that kid like hell.. even though it is for a month. I just hope he can conquer this once and for all.' Schuldich thought as he waited outside, leaning on the side of his red car. 

"Don't think too hard. Nagi will be just fine." The American said leaning on the other side of the vehicle. "We have to believe that he can do this." 

"You didn't see him, Brad. When he woke.. he was.. acting.. so strange.. and he didn't even put his barrier.. like he always does to block me out of his thoughts. Not that I needed to read his mind to tell what he was thinking about. It was too obvious.... he's terrified, Brad. Right down to his stomach.. he's scared stiff.. Damn Estet.. couldn't they just leave him alone? He was fine days ago.. but all this shit had to pop out." 

Brad let out a long sigh, "I didn't know you cared this much. We all feel the same way about Nagi. Just enjoy this last moment because it will be a long 30 days before a next one."

"Are we ready?" Nagi asked, barley the sound of a whisper. He and Farfarello were standing on the doorstep, like soldiers awaiting their orders. 

"Yes. Let's go." Crawford said as he opened the car door and slipping inside the front passenger's seat. The others followed him. 

The ride began as silence, before Nagi asked them where they were heading. "You choose, kid. Pick a nice place." The redhead replied. Placing his finger on his chin, the boy answered, "What about that Japanese place on 17th? I heard it was nice." Schuldich responded with a nod, and once again the disturbing tone of silence filled the inside vehicle.

When they arrived all of them stepped out of the car motionlessly. It was like something was controlling them all. The mood had it's way of draining all of their energy, almost like robots. Even when they ate, it seemed like a redundant cycle. The utensils would sink into the food then pick it up. Mouths would open and take in the food that was on it. After chewing and breaking down the food the cycle would repeat again. 

After tapping his fingertips on the surface of the table Farfarello abruptly asked, "How's the food, Nagi?" 

The boy took his folded napkin beside him and wiped his mouth before replying, "It's good.. I really like it." 

Crawford looked at his watch, loathing the time it read. "We have to go. It's almost time." Reluctantly, they all stood up. Schulidich placed a few bills on the table and then left with the others. 

Climbing back inside the car, the German drove back to the streets Nagi first lived in as a child. The teenager closed his eyes, not wanting to see the sights that were awaiting him. When the automobile slowly ceased on to a converged path, the 3 eldest members of Schwartz looked at Nagi uncomfortable. They could not bring their selves in saying, 'It ends here.' However the boy knew that it was time for his departure. 

"See you guys in a month." Nagi opened the car door and stepped outside, breathing the air that he once did years ago. 

Schuldich tightened his fist as he drove off. _'Take care kid.. I wish I could talk to you during the month.. but Mr. I-have-a-stick-up-my-ass-but-I'm-too-stubborn-to-see-or-feel-it has restricted that option. *sigh* So long, kid.'_

The streets were still tinted with the same monochrome colour. Nagi wandered across the sidewalk when he heard a familiar voice. _'Not him.. dammit I thought he was gone.' _

He turned to see a boy, not much older than him. His eyes were a shade of dark brown, while his hair was messy auburn covering his eyes. Just seeing his face would arouse all the fears, doubts and nightmares Nagi had had. Even though years have passed Nagi never failed to recognize him. Scars were incised on his face and arms signifying the many fights he was involved in. He wore a band around his forehead and his first impressions were easy to make of him. 

A smirk came onto his rugged features, "Well, well looks like freak boy is back." 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


	3. Reflection

Disclaimer: Don't own WK.. 

Author Notes: Thank you sooooooo much for the reviews, I'll _try_ to make this the best fic I wrote.. Major OOC as well as language, during the second part.

Rating: PG-13 +

Couples: Later on.. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Back again are we? That 'family' of yours ditched you again, freak boy?" He sneered, stepping closer to the telekinetic. 

"They didn't ditch me.. not like what your family did to you, Dawson." Nagi wanted nothing more then to wipe that grin off his face. He knew he could, too. Nothing could hold him back. Except for the words Brad had left a long time ago: _'Never use your powers, Nagi. They're a secret to the rest of mankind. If you get into fights, just use fists. They'll get the job done.'_

The brunette sighed.. he had already missed the American. Or Mr. I-have-a-stick-up-my-ass-but-I'm-too-stubborn-to-see-or-feel-it, according to the German. Nagi's fists tightened, he was also about to attack the other boy, when a group of teenagers yelled, "What's going 'ere?" 

"Nuttin, Clark." The auburn haired boy replied, to the oldest boy in the group. "Just saying 'hi' to the _freak _boy here." 

Gritting his teeth, he could feel his suppressed powers rising at an alarming rate. He hated being called a freak. It wasn't his fault... for being born this way.. 

He looked towards the boy named Clark, somehow he looked familiar but Nagi couldn't quite put his finger on how he did. His face was as rugged as Dawson's, and something told the telekinetic that he was even stronger than him too... His hair was a dark brown and a red bandana was tied around his head. He had crooked teeth that would only match inhuman species. His right arm was tattooed with a dragon, while his left arm had a long gash that ran from below the shoulder joint to the elbow. Recognizing the deep cut, Nagi realized that he had met Clark before, but still he didn't know where or when. Slowly, Clark raised a fist. 

"Well, well, well.. look what wind drag in. You know, I saw you before.. Nagi, was it? Heh heh. Don't worry we'll get acquainted soon. And this time, none of your stinking family will be in around 'ere, which makes it all the better. I'm glad that ditched your freak-show ass." Clark stood smiling, proud of his words. 

"Don't be afraid..." he walked towards the younger boy. "I'm just getting started.. Na...gi.." His voice trailed off as he forced his lips on to the younger teen. Quickly pushing the older boy, Nagi wiped his mouth. 

The kiss was wet and sloppy, it was like kissing dirt almost and that was hardly pleasant. 

"Fine.. be that way." Clark said, tossing a rock up in the air and catching it. Nagi watched him continue the pattern. He knew what was going to happen of course. Eventually, that rock would come slicing through the air at him. It was only a matter of time. 

The follow-through was almost in slow motion. As expected, Clark had thrown or had try to thrown the stone at the younger telekinetic. Watching his moves, Nagi was quick enough to dodge the mere toss. 

However from the corner of his eye he could see Dawson and some of Clark's crew picking up rocks and throwing them all at him. 

__

'Looks like I made friends already.' Nagi smiled, as he darted and ducked all the tossed stones. How foolish of them, in trying to throw just rocks at him. The teenager could easily dodge away. With his speed and strength, he would win.. with or without his powers. 

"Look, the kid wants to play it the hard way." One of the people in the small crowd snickered. 

Another replied, "Well, let's give him some fun. And then.. he'll wish he was hit by the rocks." 

After the last comment, the group began to knock ever garbage can near them down. They grabbed all the filthy glass bottles and other sharp materials. Nagi looked around him, as each person had at least one sharp object to throw at him. Even his speed, he couldn't outrun them. Even if he dodged the bottles itself, once it hits the floor, the bottle will shatter into small sharp pieces. 

Dawson threw the first bottle. The throw was short and the bottle had landed right in front of the young teenager. The bottle began to break into pieces. Soaring through the air like jagged crystals, the edges had swiftly slit into Nagi's skin. His hands mostly.. while he was trying protect his face. 

Looking at the scars now incised on his hand, he could see slow trickling of red. The liquid began to roll downwards towards his forearm. Crimson tints now left their tracks on Nagi's arm. 

Dawson smiled, as Clark and the others began positioning their toss. The telekinetic didn't have to think twice before his next action. Swiftly moving his legs, he ran. Once he started, he could see the others following behind. Dodging the many bottles in the air that were tossed by the group, Nagi jumped over ledges and fences. Anything to lose them off of his trail.

He knew his legs would give out sometime. He looked behind me. Pure nothing, except small trails of dust... they were gone. His knees shook as he couldn't bring himself to take another step. Falling to the dusty floor, the telekinetic rested for the time being. 

__

'Good riddance...for now.' 

A ditch laid just an inch behind him. It looked old and like it hasn't been touched in a long time. Slowly, Nagi crawled into the trench, and closed his eyes. He was tired beyond normal weariness. He could have probably slept and woke up a week later. But it would be too risky.. for _they _could come back. And if his guard was down, or he accidentally fell asleep.. his life is at stake.

Thinking of things to keep his mind awake and alert, Nagi's thoughts began to drift.. to the emotions that he kept inside long ago. 

"Hiro.... You're part of the reason.. I am like this.. You're part of the reason.. why my identity no longer exists!... HIRO!"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I had a friend. Well, for a while I did. It hurts too much thinking back to it now. He.. betrayed me.. I put all my faith in him.. I trusted him.. I believed in him.. and what does he do? He turns his fucking back on me. Pretends that he never knew I existed. What really hurt me the most was.. he kept on saying that he cared, that he'll always be there. What the fuck? Where's that offer now? Oh that's right it went down the fucking drain that's where it went. 

*Flashback*

__

'Nagi.. I care about you. I really do. I care what happens to you. Don't shut me out....'

'Nagi.. I'll always be here....'

*End Flashback*

Sure you cared, cared so much you left me. What friendship that was. You don't give a fuck about me. You're just saying that to make me fucking feel better. Well, I'll tell you one thing. I DON'T. 

I never have felt better. NEVER. What's the fucking point? Your words are just bullshit to me. When I think about those words... I wonder.. your words are here.. but you aren't. Don't shut me out? What the fuck? Does he expect he to tell me everything about me? Does he expect for me to EASILY say it, like it's nothing? It isn't.. it's what fucked up my life. Well a part of what totally screwed my world over. 

Dammit! Hiro.. You don't care. Stop saying you do!

When you ditched me for other people.. I'm sure you cared a whole lot for me then. 2 words. FUCK YOU!

You said you'd always be there, you'd said that you'll help me and listen to me no matter what. What bullshit that was. 

.. what you said.. were just words.. JUST WORDS.. they.. don't mean anything. They mean utter shit.. that's for sure. You even looked worried enough about me to get me fooled, didn't you? 

When I needed you.. you weren't there.. when you said.. when you PROMISED you would.. 

Promises are crap. They mean nothing.. not anymore.. 

You were always with your other friends.. you started to befriend them.. and then.. you left me out.. you hung out with them.. always.. ALWAYS inviting them to parties, get-togethers.. social-outings.. fuck! Did you invite me? No way.. I know I could have just asked.. but what's the point.. your face would just scrunch up in annoyance and only invite me because you had to. I tried fitting in with you and the others.. but.. there was nothing I could say or do.... my actions.. just couldn't... they weren't noticeable enough.. 

And that's why I am unnoticed. And I started to grow apart from them.. from Hiro.. from everyone.. 

I don't even know why your words still linger in my mind.

If you cared... if you truly fucking cared for me, you'd help me.. You'd---- fuck.. I'm too weak.. Brad was right. I am a weakling.

But when people tell me.. that I seem to be left out. Or ask me.. why can't I go talk to them.. Words can describe it.. I get too emotional at that stage.. 

WHY? It's not because I fucking want to be alone!! Did I ask.. or was there some kind of paper taped behind my back asking: "Leave me alone!"??? Fuck NO!

I tried, I tried... I really fucking tried. I was forced to be a loner.. you hear that? FORCED. 

When I tried to befriend others.... they don't.. contribute.. they don't.. help.. they don't care.. 

What fucking difference does it make... if I died or not? What difference would it make.. if.. I actually kept trying? 

I'd probably be shot down a few more times... have a fucked up life like now. It all ends up this way.. no matter what I do.... 

After you left.. after I became completely shunned from society.. I did the only thing i could do.

I watched children play at a nearby park. Laughing and giggling. Being naive as they're suppose to be. That's not a bad thing, though. It's nice to get away.. from the grasp of life. They don't have to have the loneliness that's out there. Lurking behind buildings.. following you constantly. 

Listening was another thing that I picked up. If I just stared at people all day, they'd be suspicious of me. So I would pay close attention to nearby conversations. 

My life sucks... It really really blows.. 

Do you have any idea, whatsoever.. How the fuck it feels when the only interaction with peers you get is through listening and watching? Like.. the only way.. you can get close to someone.. is if you watch them.. observe their actions.. and listen to their words.. and their voice. 

I'm so pathetic. I mean I know.. I can talk to them... I have the ability.. to do that. But once I'm near a person.. a radar goes off in my head.. wailing that if I talk to the person.. they're gonna reject me.. be scared.. run away... I hate ... being.. not able to.. just talk to them. I want to say something.. but.. my voice is never heard. Part of the reason I started to fade out.. from him and the group. My voice is either quiet or everyone's just fucking deaf.. or that they refuse to hear me. When I'm with them.. my voice is never heard. My opinions are valued as nothing.. my being, my whole physical existence to them is valued as meaningless. How do I say something when it's never going to be heard? What's the point?

I hate this... 

I hate it all... 

I.. I'm a shadow, to society. To the others. Why.. was I like this? All I ever do is constantly watch and listen... to everyone.. everything that surrounds me. I have no real identity. Therefore I am a shadow.

A shadow listens.. a shadow watches.. a shadow has no emotions... they are nothing but visible figments when the sun rises... Maybe I want to be a shadow after all. No emotions.. then I wouldn't have to spend so much time, thinking about this crap. 

People only talk because they want something from you.. Borrowing, lending, wanting... What difference did all those words mean? They're all words.. fucking words. Words.. are pain. Words mean pain. 

Maybe that's why I can't talk. 

Who knows.. 

Maybe if I did.. I could... I would have ... had a better life... maybe..

They say if you shut yourself out.. and isolate yourself.. you miss out on a lot of things. But if you don't shut yourself... you're also vulnerable to getting hurt. If I didn't try to protect myself... maybe I could have made friends, get out of this hellhole a lot faster.. and then I wouldn't have had to live here for such a long period of time. I don't know.. 

FUCK.. 

I really.. don't know... My life must be pretty screwed since I'm.. thinking like this.. It's.. like I gone insane.. which I probably have... 

... I am really tired.. so.. sleepy..... can't.. keep eyes.. open any longer.. maybe.. they won't find me.. 

I'm hiding in a ditch behind some.. ledge... and.. hey there's a chance they won't find me right? Why would they want a shadow like me around for? 

Gonna sleep now.. 

Any.. second..

Footsteps trample as eyes stare. Approaching foots, and opening arms. Almost like finding treasure, they found him, instead. Crooked teeth smiles and whispers softly, "Nagi..."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


End file.
